


Wasting Your Time (In The Wrong Place, But It Feels Right)

by metalstraws



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Attempted Murder, F/F, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Kravitz barely appears in the first half of this story but he comes back eventually?, Like, M/M, Paramedic!Kravitz, Slow Burn, Taako-centric, also julia/magnus is so background, background Hurley/Sloane - Freeform, but Sazed is a piece of garbage and we can all agree on that, fuck sazed, idk this is a trainwreck, implied/referenced eating disorder, like if you blink you'll miss it - Freeform, like the slowest burn, so background, taakitz, this won't get graphic til later on
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-04-11 21:13:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19117822
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metalstraws/pseuds/metalstraws
Summary: Sazed failed to kill Taako the first time, but they haven't caught him yet and he's not gonna stop until they do.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hello yes i haven't written in a very long time this is some messy draftwork that will be expanded upon soon feel free to tell me how ~garbage~ it is thanks goodbye

_If there were a God, why would they allow pain and suffering to plague the earth? To test the faith of their followers? To try and find the One worthy of acceptance into the afterlife? What kind of bullshit excuse was that? Couldn’t they just admit that they probably weren’t as all-powerful and all-seeing as they liked to think? Honesty would get them a lot farther than a false sense of grandeur._

Taako sighs and rolls over in his bed. He just can’t seem to get comfortable lately.

 _If there was a God_ , he muses, _then I wouldn’t be in the shitty situation I’m in now_.

The low, steady beeping of heart monitor fades into the background of his mind as he rolls onto his back and starts counting the ceiling tiles in his room. Again. He’s been here for a couple of days now, with no idea as to when he’ll be allowed to leave.

He watches a late-shift nurse walk by outside his door and sighs. Again. He’s been doing a lot more of that lately. Normally he’s looking on the brighter side of things, like the fact that at least the food he’s eating is free and probably not poisoned, though he thinks he can safely assume that was a once-in-a-lifetime occurrence that he won’t have to worry about again anytime soon.

Sazed.

Not for the first time since waking up Taako’s mind can’t seem to wrap itself around the fact that Sazed, useless little assistant-turned regular-hookup tried to actually kill him because Taako didn’t want him appearing on the show as much as the other man wanted to. It was ‘Sizzle It Up with Taako!’, not ‘Sizzle It Up with Taako and Sazed!’. It was all about branding, a thing that Taako had tried to explain to him a million times or more- and Sazed just wasn’t cute enough to make the cut to be next to Taako on stage.

Of course, Taako was happy he’d tried the food before handing it out to the forty people watching his show. He doesn’t know if he’d be able to live with himself if he’d handed it out without checking. After all, whenever Sazed was helping him he’d always double-check to make sure he didn’t fuck anything up too badly. The police had come to him the first day he’d woken up and told him what had happened.

“Found a bottle of arsenic in your partner’s dressin’ room.” The kind female officer had told him. “Reckon he slipped it in while no one was lookin’ to try an’ poison ya. Guess he didn’t think about how much he’d actually need to kill ya, seein’ how he didn’t quite use enough. But I’ll tell ya now, young man, if he’d used just a few more ounces you an’ I wouldn’t be havin’ a conversation right now.”

Her name had been Hurley. She was very nice and gave Taako updates every few days whenever they’d found something new about where Sazed had fled to. They still hadn’t caught him, and Taako thinks that maybe they never will.

A gentle knock at his door pulls Taako’s gaze away from the ceiling and towards it’s heavy wooden shape. “Who is it?” He calls weakly. The door creaks open slowly and a familiar fuzzy face pokes in. Then another below it.

“Hey!” Magnus shout-whispers. “We got special permission to come see you from the police officer outside the door!” “She said we can’t stay long though because visiting hours ended thirty minutes ago!” Merle shout whispers below him.

Taako grins and leans over to turn on a light in his room. “Well hurry on in my dudes, we don’t have much time!”

 

* * *

 

 

Taako doesn't know who he's trying to fool, acting like he has better places to be and better things to do besides sit in a hospital bed feeling sorry for himself and being in pain. He knows the doctors are doing what they need to to make sure he's actually getting better, but the constant tests and check-ups are starting to wear on his patience and, quite frankly, his sanity a little bit. He can't stand sitting in this room for much longer than he already has. 

 

_"You were out for a week." Lup says quietly from the side of Taako's bed. He can't hear her very well, a doctor had told him a long-term affect of arsenic poisoning was nervous system complications, like numbness in his limbs or complications in hearing. Everything just sounds a little farther away than it had before his accident and he's told he'll probably need hearing aids eventually, but for now he can feel his arms and legs just fine and his fingers and toes only tingle a teeny-tiny bit._

_Taako doesn't reply to his sister, who continues looking him over as if she's worried he'll just collapse and start convulsing in front of her. He can't find it in himself to say anything to reassure her. He also knows an 'I told you so' is due from her. After all, had she not warned him about Sazed's behavior and tendencies from the get-go?_

_"The paramedic that got to you saved your life." She says. "I found out what his name is. Do you want to thank him or anything?" Taako rolls his head to face her and shakes his head. "Why not?" She frowns._

_"What's the point? It's his job." Taako croaks. His throat is raw from having a tube down it for a week. It feels like he's swallowing gravel every time he speaks. "I'm sure he'd appreciate it or whatever, but what's the point?" Taako closes his eyes. He's so tired._

_"I mean... I guess you're right." She sighs and stands, reaching to give Taako's hand a squeeze. "I have to go to work now. I'll bring you dinner later, okay? And Barry wants to see you."_

_"Can... can you bring me a hairbrush?" Taako asks quietly, looking away from her. "I... It's all knotted and gross."_

_He doesn't look at her so he misses the small smile she gives him before leaving. "I'll braid your hair for you later." She calls over her shoulder before shutting the door._

 

That had been almost a week ago now. He hisses in a breath through his nose as a doctor draws some blood from his arm and he swallows hard. 

"You're doing great." Lucas says. Yeah, he and his doctor are on a first-name basis now. "I promise you won't be here too much longer, okay Taako?" He nods and doesn't look at the doctor. "There's a young man who keeps asking about you. You never mentioned you had a boyfriend." Lucas teases, pricking Taako again. 

"I don't." Taako mutters. "It's the paramedic that uh, took me here, I think? My sister said I should thank him, but I mean... it's his job to save people's lives." 

"Still," Lucas says, writing down some notes on a clipboard. "It's nice to hear a thank you sometimes. You think you wanna try standing up again today?" 

Taako grimaces. When he'd first woken up he'd thought his legs and arms were completely fine, but it turned out his legs were more or less jelly under his weight nowadays. He shakes his head. "If I thought it would be any different I'd let you know, y'know my man?"

Lucas nods and stands from his seat. "Well, you know you can't say you tried until you do. I'll send a nurse in in a few moments to help you to the restroom." 

Taako just nods and glances to the other side of his room where the window sits, curtains drawn back allowing sunlight in the room. He wishes he could go over to it, see out of it, to the ground below. He wishes he could just go back to the night he met Sazed, the night that would change everything for him in the worst possible ways. But he can't, so he figures he should stop feeling so god damn sorry for himself and get his shit together. 

He grabs his cellphone off the table next to his bed and texts Lup. 

 

Taco Hell 11:08 am

ayo lulu what was the paramedic boys name? i think i owe him a thank you.

 

ChaLUPa 11:12 am

oh thank god you finally came around his name is kravitz if i rmmbr right

 

Taco Hell 11:13 am 

are you coming by tonight? i have a favor to ask....

 

ChaLUPa 11:15 am 

i can swing by for a lil bit when i get off work! you mind if barry comes? what do u need?

 

Taco Hell 11:16 am

can you cut my hair? 

 

-Incoming Call from ChaLUPa-

 

"Hello?" Taako answers weakly, holding his phone to his ear. 

"Are you okay?" Lup asks frantically. "You want me to cut your hair? Are you sure?" 

"Yeah." Taako says. "I just... Y'know. Arsenic poisoning causes hair loss. So, um... If it's shorter maybe it'll be less noticeable, y'know? I just... it looks so  _bad,_ Lulu. I can't... I can't stand looking at myself with it. And maybe... maybe bring me a hat to wear? I just... I dunno. I need to hide it til it grows back." 

"Okay... And you're sure?" Lup asks agian. 

"One hundred percent, my dude, would Taako ask for something he doesn't want?" 

"Yes. Because you're a materialistic spawn of a capitalism-driven society that says your worth is based on your possessions and appearance." She sounds serious, but Taako knows that tone of voice. He can't hold back a laugh. 

"Love you too, Lulu. See you later." 

"Bye Koko." She says quietly. 

 

* * *

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kravitz is surprised that Taako didn't die after all. 
> 
> Taako wishes he could walk without a cane.
> 
> Sazed is still out there. 
> 
> Lup still just wants her brother to get better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the ending sounds waaaaay more sinister than it is and this is a / very / dialogue-heavy chapter sorry bout it but uh yeah? This is the 2nd part of this I guess! Woohoo!

"Hey," Lup says, brushing through Taako's now much-shorter hair. "We actually look identical again." She jokes, but Taako's heart is in his throat, looking at all the clumps of hair that have fallen around his feet as Lup worked on trimming it all to a more even length. "I bet we could try and play a joke on Barry when you get out of here." 

Taako snorts but it's a half-hearted attempt at a laugh. "Yeah, well, I think Barry will know who's who when one of us has to walk with a cane." He's bitter about it, yes sir he is, but he knows taking it out on his sister isn't going to make it any better. "Sorry Lulu." He sighs. "I'm just... having a hard time with this." 

Her fingernails scratch gently against his scalp, effectively calming him down. "I know, Koko. I know this isn't gonna be easy, but you know you have me and Barry, and you have Magnus and Merle and Cap'nport and, I mean... You know Lucretia would help if you-" 

"Don't. Don't talk about her." Taako snaps, harsher than he'd meant. "I've told you a million times I don't want anything to do with her." 

"I-I know, Taako, but I'm just putting it out there and-" 

"Stop!" He snaps again and buries his face in his hands. He shouldn't be talking to his sister like this. She deserves better treatment than what he's giving her. "I'm sorry just... just. I can't. Not right now." 

If Lup can see him visibly deflate after that she doesn't say anything, just goes back to idly scratching at his scalp and brushing his hair. She knows better than to push, she'd just assumed that maybe he'd consider taking whatever he could have gotten in terms of a support network. _You know what they say about assuming_ , she muses to herself. 

Her phone buzzing loudly in her pocket breaks the semi-tense silence that had filled Taako's room for the past few minutes. 

"I've gotta take this, Koko, I'll be right back." She says gently and sets a small handheld mirror in Taako's lap as she exits the room. Taako can just barely hear her answer the phone through the door. " _Yes, I'm here babe, you can come get me whenever's convenient for you."_

He doesn't want to, but he lifts the mirror in his hand and takes a good, long look at himself. 

He looks like shit. 

Well, granted, he always looks good, Taako _never_ looks bad, but he's seen some better days. His skin is paler than usual and he has nasty bags under his eyes-nothing a little R&R won't fix-and his hair... it honestly isn't as awful as he'd been expecting. It's definitely closer in length to Lup's now, she wasn't wrong about that. The ends are a bit choppy, but not as noticeable as Taako thinks they are. 

He lets out a shaky breath and nods, setting the mirror aside. Nothing a little Taako Time can't fix. And besides, he's got plenty of makeup at home to help cover up the bags and sallowness of his skin. _This is fixable_ , he thinks, _I can fix this, no big deal_. 

A gentle knock on the door pulls Taako from his thoughts as he glances up. Lucas or Lup would have just walked in and he knows Merle and Magnus aren't coming by today.

"Uh, come in?" He calls, wincing at the way his voice cracks. Yeah, swallowing arsenic and having a tube down your throat for a week doesn't do wonders for the voice. 

A completely unfamiliar man steps in, looking a little uncomfortable and a lot out of place. Taako looks him over a few times as the other man closes the door behind him, looking at his feet. 

"Um, h-hello? My name is, uh, Kravitz. I'm-uh, your sister called me? I just- I wanted to see how you were doing?" 

Taako pauses mid-assessment and looks at the man's- _Kravitz's_ \- face. "What's up, man? I'm Taako, you know, from TV, but I guess you know that!" He does his best to put on a convincing enough act for this honestly attractive and polite guy that has apparently saved his life. 

"Pleasure to meet you." Taako takes in his blue uniform, the walkie on his shoulder, the way his dreads are tied back from his- _extremely attractive!_ , Taako's brain shouts- face. "I wish we were meeting under, ah, more preferable circumstances, Taako." Taako just waves a hand. 

"Nah, ch'boy doesn't do 'preferable circumstances', my dude, I am a walking enigma, ya feel? There's no normal way of meeting Taako, you can ask anyone!" He laughs, still trying to lighten the mood. 

"I, ah, I suppose that may be true. I just- yeah. Um. I honestly didn't know if you were gonna live or not after, uh, after what happened to you, so when I heard you weren't, y'know, dead, I was pretty relieved. It's good to see that you're feeling better."  

_Fuck, he's so fucking sincere_ , Taako thinks. _I can't keep this up, he's too pure_. 

"Well, I mean..." Taako sighs and leans back in his chair. "My hair is falling out, I can't walk without support, and I can barely hear anything below a normal talking volume." His laugh comes out more shaky this time. "So I wouldn't say I'm feeling all that great. But I uh, I do think I owe you a thank you, Kravitz." He admits. "So. Um, y'know, thank you and everything. For, like, saving my life." 

Kravitz seems to visibly relax at that and he moves away from the wall a little bit, closer to Taako. "I did what I could, Taako. You lived because you wanted to- most people don't survive that amount of poison, but you? You're something else, I'll tell ya." 

Taako doesn't _want_ to blush, but he can't help it. "I mean, yeah, like I said ch'boy is an _enigma_ , my man." 

Kravitz laughs at that and extends a hand to Taako. "How about I help you get back in bed? I take it your haircut is done with and you look pretty worn out, so. Unless you're content sitting in a pile of hair, which, by the way, you have a  _lot_ of hair, what the hell." 

"Yeah, well, _had_ is probably a better way to put it." He grumbles, but accepts the hand that pulls him up effortlessly. He hates the way his knees buckle under his weight, hates the way he has to lean into a stranger for support. As his legs meet the hospital bed he sighs and looks up at Kravitz. "But seriously. Thank you for helping me. You seriously saved my hide and, y'know, if you ever need anything, just ask me, I guess?" 

Kravitz smiles at Taako and shakes his head. "I love what I do- I wouldn't dream of ever asking you for something in return." 

"Still." Taako insists. "If you can think of anything just-just ask Lup, she can get a message to me. I mean it. Anything-within reason- and I'll help you out." 

At that moment Lup steps back into the hospital room, hanging up her phone. "Alright Koko, Barry said he's gonna bring by- oh hey! You're Kravitz!" She grins at said man cheerily. "Thanks for talking to my brother, he thanked you right?" 

"He did." Kravitz says politely, nodding. "My shift is about to start, however, so I'm afraid I have to get going. It was nice to meet you both, and Taako? I think your hair still looks great." 

And with that he's off, out the door quickly and quietly before Taako can even say anything in response. 

"Uh," Lup says, taking in her brother's dumbfounded expression. "I'm sorry, did he just hit on you, Taako?" 

"I have... no idea?" 

 

* * *

 

 

_"Come on man, stay with me." Kravitz finds himself saying as he lifts the limp, twitching body onto a gurney. "Stay with me, don't close your eyes." The man convulses violently, bloody foam seeping out of the corner of his mouth. "Don't let go, you're stronger than that, come on man." He gags and seizes. "Stay with me."_

_He holds the mans hand the whole way to the hospital in between administering a mineral supplement- to lower the risk of a fatal heart rhythm, he remembers from school- and a heart medication when the man's heartbeat started to flatline. He knows better than to give in to the pressure, to the stress, of a man that's probably going to die in this ambulance. He knows better than to let the fear seep into the corners of his mind._

_"Almost there!" Raven calls from up front. "Less than five minutes!"_

_"Step on it!" He finds himself barking back. "This guy doesn't have that long!"_

_He's still twitching slightly, and his eyes are glassy and almost seem to stare through Kravitz as tears leak out the corners of his eyes. "You're not gonna die, okay? Not if I have any say in it." He says through clenched teeth. "I will not let you die here." It's empty, though, Kravitz knows better than to assume someone in this state could possibly live. At least, he won't be the same after. Whether it's cancer, liver disease, loss of hearing or feeling in limbs, there's no real coming back from something like this. Kravitz knows arsenic poisoning when he sees it._

_He watches, helpless, as a group of nurses and doctors wheels the man off into the hospital, off towards a bleached, white-walled death, alone and in pain._

_He does his best not to think about it._

* * *

 

_"Hello, yes, is this Kravitz?" A woman's voice asks from the other side of the call. "My name is Lup- you saved my brother's life a couple nights ago."_

_He doesn't get these calls often, usually the people he's wheeling into the ER have broken bones from car accidents, or are elderly and suffering from a heart attack or stroke, but these calls? They're few and far between, to say the least._

_"Uh, y-yes, this is him. Um, could you tell me how exactly I saved his life?"_

_"The-the mineral supplements and the heart medication stuff you did- you saved his life. I don't know how I can ever thank you, but-"_

_"Are you talking about the young man that was poisoned?"_

_"Yeah? Um, you did do that right?"_

_Kravitz sits down against the nearest wall and laughs quietly. "I can't-I'm sorry I just- I really thought he was going to die. He's alive?"_

_"Yeah, he, um, well he's in a coma right now... but, I mean, doctors are pretty hopeful he's gonna wake up? But I just- I asked around and I got your number from a nurse, I hope that's okay?"_

_"More than. Um, I'm sorry if this is weird to ask, Ms. Lup, but do you think you could maybe... keep me updated on him? I just... I want to make sure he gets better."_

_"Of course! I mean, yeah, for sure. Ah, shit, I have another call coming in- thank you again, Kravitz. I'll let you know if anything changes!"_

  
_As the line clicks off, Kravitz laughs to himself again._

_He fucking did it._

* * *

 

Taako is nothing like what he had expected him to be, forcing a smile even though Kravitz knew he had to be in pain, allowing a stranger to help him walk the few feet to his bed. He was, as he'd said, an enigma. And Kravitz is just dying to figure him out. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> oh look, it's sazed, fuckwad extraordinaire! 
> 
> taako's gonna get back on his bullshit
> 
> lup's gonna be pretty fuckin impressed with him
> 
> no kravvy boy, but there is threats made upon Barry's beloved denim armchair

_Sazed watches, a satisfied feeling falling over him, as Taako frowns._

_As Taako sets down the platter with the chicken on it._

_As Taako coughs, a confused look falling over his face._

_As Taako grips his throat and falls to his knees, bringing a dirty cutting board and plate down with him, shattering against the floor of the food truck._

_“Oh God!” He hears someone exclaim. “Someone, call an ambulance!”_

Fat chance _, he thinks, grinning to himself._ They won’t get here in time _._

_Taako looks up at him, up to where Sazed is hidden, out of view of the window Taako does his show through, out of view of the forty or so onlookers._

Why? _His eyes seem to ask._ Why is this happening?

_Sazed just laughs to himself and ducks out the back as Taako’s form falls to its side, convulsing violently, blood dripping out of the corner of his mouth._

 

If he’d known his plan would fail, Sazed would have just put a bullet in Taako’s fucking head from the get-go. He’d have been clean about it, no finger prints, no witnesses, a fake suicide note- he would have planned it out. As it happened, apparently poisoning Taako wasn’t the way to go if he’d wanted to be discreet. Hindsight and all that though, right? The point was that Taako was still breathing, still fucking existing, much to Sazed’s chagrin.

“Should’ve done the whole damn bottle.” He mutters to himself. The aisle of the grocery store he’s in is empty. He just needs toothpaste and hair dye. 

“Need help finding anything dear?” An older woman in a green apron asks, smiling kindly at him.

“No.” He mumbles, turning away from her. The hood of his jacket is pulled up high to ward off any unwanted security footage. “I’m good.”

“Just let me know!” She chirps.

Sazed pauses.

He turns to her.

“Actually, could you tell me where you keep rat poison? I’m afraid I’ve got a real nasty vermin problem at my house.”

“Aisle seven.” She replies, not giving him a second glance, busied with facing the labels of the men’s shampoo outwards. Taako had always told Sazed that men’s shampoo was trash, that if you could wash your hair with it you couldn’t condition with it.

He shakes the thought from his mind and sets off down to aisle seven. This should be interesting.

 

* * *

 

 

“Alright, Taako, you’re free to go.” Lucas says, watching as Taako leans himself against the reception counter in the lobby of the hospital. “You’ll call if your condition changes or worsens?”

Taako nods absently as he signs the forms and dates and initials where it’s needed. “Of course, my man, ch’boy doesn’t wanna come back here any time fuckin’ soon, ya feel?”

Lucas smiles and shakes his head. “Well then, I wish you a speedy recovery and feel free to call if you have any questions, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, skip the formalities, Lucas, you know I’ll be back here with Merle soon.”

They share a friendly laugh and Taako situates the crutches back under him. “Hopefully I won’t need these forever.” He says to Lup. “Ch’boy can’t really imagine these being much of a fashion accessory, ya feel?”

Lup rolls her eyes. “Just be happy we aren’t carting you out of here in a wheel chair.” Her tone is light, though, playful almost, as she swats at her brother, who barely manages to dodge out of the way, albeit a little shaky.

“Hey, hey! Easy with the crutches, I can’t move as well as I used to!” He laughs.

They make their way slowly to where Barry has the car waiting, a little four door sedan with a couple of rust spots and a convertible top. He grins as they walk up and gets out to help Taako into the car.

“What’s up Barold?” Taako grins. “Heard that Lup’s havin’ a little get together for me tonight at your place, is that true?”

Barry just rolls his eyes. “Sure is, and you’d do well to remember this time that it’s not your kitchen to start a fire in.”

“Psh, it was an accident, besides, I uh. I don’t think I’m gonna be doing much cooking for a while.” He admits quietly. “Kinda need full motor control to multi-task, ya feel?”

Just as Barry is about to open his mouth to respond, a voice calls from somewhere behind Taako, who turns to see none other than-

Hurley. She’s jogging to catch up to them, looking a little flustered.

“Taako! Before you go, I wanted to let you know-“ She lowers her voice as she gets closer, leaning in closely to Taako’s ear to tell him, “Sazed was spotted twenty miles outside the city at a grocery store. He bought toothpaste, hair dye, and rat poison. For the sake of your safety, I want your permission to have a unit patrolling your street any hours of the day that you’re home and advise you to lock your doors and windows at all times.”

Taako tenses at the information. Sazed was so close. When he’d first woken up the man had been almost a hundred miles away, high tailed and ran with his tail between his legs to get away from the police. Why was he back all of a sudden?

“Wh-why is he back?” Taako finds himself asking.

“My best guess? To finish what he started. But don’t worry. We’re gonna do our best to keep you safe, Taako. You have my word.”

Taako smiles at her, genuinely happy to have someone on his side that wasn’t his sister. “Thanks Hurley.”

She pats him gently on the shoulder. “Anytime Taako.” She leans away from him. “Now, I believe I’m keepin’ ya from a homecomin’ party, aren’t I? You take care now, Taako, and I’ll give ya a holler if anything changes.”

“Thanks again, Hurley. I’m sure I’ll be hearing from you.”

She waves them off as their car pulls out of the roundabout, waving until they’re out of sight before pulling out a walkie.

“Sloane?”

“ _Copy_.” The voice of her partner comes through.

“They got a car tailin’ em, I want you to follow and see if you can shake him off em.”

“ _Copy that, Hurley, going now_.”

Hurley watches as an undercover vehicle peels out of the parking lot after the silver hatchback that left after Taako’s car.

“Don’t do anythin’ reckless, Sloane, I need ya in one piece, ya hear?”

Her partner’s laughter comes through, tinged on the edges with static. “ _Copy that, Hurley, you worry too much_.”

 

* * *

 

When Taako finally gets up the few stairs of Lup and Barry’s house, he has to take a second to breathe. He’s not used to supporting all his weight on his arms and upper body, and quite frankly? He’s exhausted. “Just gimme a sec, guys.” He says, hanging his head down between his shoulders for a moment and collecting himself.

_It’s just the bros_ , he tells himself _. It’s just my friends. Who I haven’t seen in months. Because I fucked off and started up a traveling food truck live show with Sazed. Who everyone warned me about. Who tried to kill me. Yep, yeah, all good on that front. Everything is peachy. Gucci. Dandy. Swell._

“You okay Taako?” Barry asks. “You know, if you don’t want to, I can tell everyone to go home, I don’t wanna overwhelm y-“

“Can it, Barold, I just need you to open the door for me, I can’t manage it without falling on my ass. Also, I swear to _God_ , if that _fucking_ denim arm chair is still in your living room I am _burning_ this house to the _fucking_ ground, Bluejeans.”

Lup looks at her brother, surprised. For the first time since he’s woken up, she sees that he’s… determined.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> (Wrote this last night so i could post while i work a double lmao)

“Welcome back, Taako!” Magnus claps him on the back maybe a little too hard, but he’s never really known his own strength, so Taako can’t fault him for it.

“Glad to have ya back, punk!” Merle barks from his seat at the island in Barry’s kitchen. “Don’t stay gone so long this time.”

Taako smiles at them sheepishly and nods. “Yeah… Thanks for coming by to see me, by the way.” He mumbles, looking down at the floor. “I really needed some friendly faces in that place.”

“Aw, c’mon, it wasn’t _that_ bad, was it?” Davenport chimes in. He’s already got a beer in his hand, as is customary to Davenport in any remotely social setting, be it public or private. Taako figures old habits die hard and being an introvert that loves hiking entire mountain chains alone doesn’t really mix well with, well, get-togethers. He can’t blame the guy, though, it’s never been an outright problem before and he doubts it is now.

“Oh my God, Dav, you should have heard my fucking doctor’s voice!” Taako cackles, dropping gracelessly into that god damn fucking denim chair. He’s burning this house down for sure. “ _Oh Taako, do be mindful of yourself out there in the cold, cruel world of the working class_!” He mimes in a sniveling tone, making a full mockery of Lucas’s voice. “I’m sure you’ve heard it all from Merle already, but god damn was he annoying!”

Merle gets a hearty laugh out of that and slaps his knee. “Yeah, Lucas is a real shit, huh? I’m just glad he took you up, at least someone you’re familiar with was helping you out. He’s orthopedic mostly, that’s why he always fixes my broken bones, but he stuck his neck out to take your case, punk. He didn’t have to do that, they don’t pay him for internal shit like poison.”

Taako nods and sprawls as much as he can in the chair. “Yeah, yeah, I know my man, Taako’s already gotten the spiel from Lulu.”

“So are you gonna tell us about Mr. Tall-Dark-And-Handsome?” Magnus asks, leaning over Taako and looking like an excited puppy. “Lup already told us all about your knight in shining, er, ambulance?”

Taako blinks up at Magnus for a moment before bursting out in a fit of giggles.

“K- _Kravitz_? You think I wanna fuck _Kravitz_?” He wheezes out. Laughing this hard hurts every organ he can think to name (about three all-together, if we’re being honest), but God, seriously Lup? “He’s a _paramedic_! It’s his fucking _job_ to save people’s lives!” Tears threaten the corners of his eyes.

He hears Davenport and Merle snickering quietly while Lup stumbles over her words, trying to form an explanation as to why Taako might have some weird, inexplicable attraction to a guy he’s met technically twice, formally once, and shared all of two minutes of conversation with.

“He seemed really nice!” She exclaims.

“Yeah, because he thought I _died_! You think he’s gonna waltz up into my hospital room and be like, ‘Damn sugar, lemme get a slice of that cake cause mm-hmm, you are just my type- barely alive and wearing a dress that leaves a lovely breeze on the-“

He’s cut off by another bout of uncontrollable laughter, Magnus and Barry now joining in while Lup sits there, looking absolutely pissed off and also, well, like she’s trying not to laugh with them.

“I’m just saying,” She starts to speak and then it happens.

She snorts and then everyone is laughing at Lup and yes, it’s such a nice sentiment that maybe Taako met the new love of his life in the hospital recovering from an attempted murder by his former, er, partner? Boyfriend isn’t the right word. Coworkers-with-benefits? That has a nicer ring to it. It would have been the perfect cliché from all those shitty, cheesy hallmark movies Taako loves to watch during any and all holidays, but the sad fact of life is that Taako just doesn’t live in the hallmark universe where every single moment is the right place and the right time.

As Taako watches all his friends devolving into animated chatter and the occasional laugh, he lets himself sink into the background. As shocking as it might have been, outside of Sizzle It Up!, Taako isn’t really one for the spotlight. He’d never admit it, but he’s always been more than happy to let Merle or Lup take that role in these settings.

 _Maybe Kravitz could have been the one_ , he thinks. _Maybe if we’d met at a different time, or maybe in a different life, but the fact of the matter is that no one wants damaged goods like me and no one wants someone who can barely even walk. Maybe in a different life we could have met when Merle broke his arms, or when he broke his wrist, or when he broke his ankle, or when Magnus got in that bar fight defending me and got that cut on his face, or when Lup tripped over her umbrella and got hit by a cyclist and broke her nose. Maybe if we’d met any of those times things would be different. But right place and right time don’t actually exist, at least for me. Maybe I’m just destined to die alone, or maybe I’ll just die of a freak accident- I could leave the gas from my stove on and ‘forget’, I could light a match for a candle and boom, just gone. Who knows though? All I know is that Lup had her heart in the right place, but things don’t go right for fuckups like me._

He’s pulled from his daze by Magnus, who’s taken a seat on the floor in front of Taako and is peering up at him curiously.

“What’s up Sideburns?” Taako asks, idly swinging a foot out to nudge Magnus’s knee. “You look like you’ve got a couple thoughts bumping around in that big, empty head of yours.”

“Well, I _was_ thinking-”

“Very dangerous.” Taako says.

“That maybe you and I could do some workouts together, y’know? Lup told me you might not, y’know, ever really get back to walking normally, but I figured maybe we could try like, some resistance stuff, or just like, baby steps. The physical therapy clinic I work at can probably pull some strings to get you those weird bars that help you walk again- you know the ones I’m talking about?”

Taako stares at Magnus for a few moments before looking away, head resting on his chin.

“That’s the dumbest thing you’ve ever said.” He mumbles.

Magnus is about to get defensive, say that okay, yeah, maybe his idea was stupid, but then he sees something slide down Taako’s cheek, shiny and wet, before it drips down onto the purple sweater he’s wearing. Oh.

“Y’know, maybe we can talk about it more later?” He offers, standing up. “Lup’s starting dinner soon, you want anything to drink?”

Taako quickly wipes his eyes on his sleeve and sniffles hard before nodding. “Hell yeah, you guys got the fixin’s for a mean fuckin’ mimosa, Lulu?” He calls to his sister as he uses one crutch to hoist his weight up, then the other to stand upright. Magnus keeps a hand on his elbow the whole time and while it makes him angry, almost, to feel so useless, he’s glad Magnus is there.

“Uh, hell yeah we do! You want a single or a double?” She calls back, a grin obvious in her voice.

“What kind of a dumb question is that?” He starts maneuvering around the couch and the god damn fucking denim chair and towards her kitchen.

“Double heard!” She laughs, and Taako can hear the telltale pop! of the champagne bottle.

“It is really good to have you back.” Magnus says quietly, following Taako into the kitchen. “I know we’ve said it already, but… when you were gone, Lup was a wreck and Barry was at a loss for how to make it better. I kept telling him though, some people just have two other halves. She can’t function without both of you, y’know?”

Taako glances back at Magnus.

“Since when were you all philosophical?” He teases.

“Since Julia told me I had to stop calling all the dogs ‘puppies’.” He pouts. “I made a deal with her, I’d expand my vocabulary if I can still call every dog a puppy.”

Taako laughs and he steps into the kitchen.

The windows of the connected dining room have their curtains and shades drawn back, letting golden light into the room. It filters in through the window above the kitchen sink, casting all the stainless steel a soft bronze and the granite countertops a soft beige. Lup is laughing at something Merle’s said while Davenport and Barry have a quiet conversation at the dining room table. Taako’s heart feels almost full as he takes in the scene- a pot on the stove is boiling water and there’s a glass on the island, filled almost to the brim with the mimosa he’d requested. It feels reminiscent of all the time they’d spent together when they were younger, fresh out of college, hanging out in apartments and then, Lup and Barry’s first house.

There’s just one person missing to make the scene feel complete.

Taako holds back a sigh and grins despite himself.

_No need to think about her now. Lucretia’s got more important things to do than be bothered with our stupid little get-togethers anyway._

* * *

 

Lup’s phone is in the living room. It buzzes and the screen lights up with a text message:

 

Lucretia 5:47 pm

Hey Lup. Heard Taako got out of the hospital today. Hope he’s doing better, please keep me updated. Sorry I couldn’t make it tonight, work’s got me real busy. Tell everyone I say hi. <3

 

The screen times out, back to black.


	5. Chapter 5

There are certain times in a person's where you begin to wonder what your life would be like if you had done something differently, something so inconsequential at the moment but monumental in the long run. What if you'd dressed different for that job interview or circled a different answer on a test or maybe, just maybe, forgone taste-testing your food and served 40 people poisoned chicken? 

Taako lets his mind wonder as Lup drives them to The Raven's Roost, a podunk little diner that Magnus always took them to after late nights full of liquor or early mornings after. It has its charm, he supposes, all things considered. He's pretty sure there's a rat problem, the AC barely works in the dining room, and the cooks don't speak a lick of Common, making ordering next to impossible if you're even so much as _thinking_ of leaving tomatoes off of your omelet. If he's being honest? He loves it. 

"So." Lup says as she helps him out of the car. "First time eating out since you got home. You excited to be back at the old stomping grounds?" Her tone is playful, but Taako can't seem to find the same energy within himself. 

"Yeah, I mean, I guess? It's just Raven's Roost, it's never really been all that amazing, ya feel?" Taako's never told anyone, but there were times when they were younger when he'd come here after fighting with Lup or Magnus. 

Lucretia always knew where to find him, though. She never spilled his secret, apparently.

" _Just_ Raven's-? Taako, you can't be serious!" Lup sounds personally offended, as if this is some sort of surprise that he doesn't lose his mind over what he calls,

"Barely decent diner food that a twelve year old could think to make." He huffs, waiting for her to open the door for him.

When she does, he's met with a familiar, warm scent. Pancake batter and eggs, fresh bacon and _good_ coffee. He succeeds in keeping a goofy grin from spreading on his face. "Why did you bring me here anyways?" 

They make their way to one of the many vacant booths and Lup makes sure Taako is situated before sitting opposite of him. "Because... I dunno. I thought maybe we could catch up? You've been staying at the house for a little while now and I just... I feel like I haven't talked to you all that much, you know?" 

Taako just shrugs. 

"Hi y'all! My name's Noelle and I'm gonna be takin' care of- is that Lup 'n Taako?" The familiar twang pulls the twins out of their moment and Taako does, in fact, grin at the sight of the familiar waitress. 

"Yeah! Hey Noelle! How's it, like, hangin'? I didn't think you'd still be working here after all this time." 

She waves her hand at him. "'N risk not seein' my two favorite twins again? Not a chance! I take it y'all want coffee to start?"

"You know it!" Lup grins at the older woman who nods and hurries off to get their drinks. "Back to what I was saying. I just feel like we haven't really... spoken since you left." 

"Yeah, well, I mean, you kinda told me that Barry was more important to you so." Taako shrugs again ad Noelle comes back with two mugs and a bowl of creamers and sugar balanced perfectly in one hand. "Thanks doll. I think I'm just gonna take my usual? If you still remember that is." He always got a kick out of the playful banter the two of them used to exchange.

"Cinnamon pancakes 'n a side of scrambled egg whites? I think I can remember somethin' that mundane anyday." She shoots back with a playful wink. "Lup, your usual?" 

Lup nods, smiling politely back at Noelle. "You know it."

"I'll go put y'all's order in. Holler if ya need me m'kay?"

They nod and she heads off, back to the kitchen to yell her order to the cooks in the back. 

"I didn't say Barry was more important, Taako-"

"I beg to differ, Lulu." Taako sips his coffee. He's taken it black since he left, telling himself the extra calories weren't worth it. "You said, and I quote, 'I have more going for me with Barry than I ever have before. I don't have time to waste on you or your childish dream about being a famous traveling cook.' End quote."

Lup is quiet for a moment.

"Can you blame me?" Her voice is quiet. "For the first time in our lives I had someone. Someone who loved me and wanted me around and didn't care where I came from or where I was going, as long as he could be there too. I found someone who didn't care that I'm trans or that I have a bad habit of playing with matches. I found someone who wanted me for me."

"Yeah, because I totally didn't do that for you since we were toddlers." Taako shoots back. "You had Barry, sure, sure, and I thought I had you. But it turns out that I just wasn't enough huh? You can't care about more than one person at a time without tossing one to the side. Like right now, for example, you're only giving me attention because Barry isn't around. You wanna know why we haven't 'talked' since I got out of the hospital? Because you're still too busy melting all over his shoes to give me the time of day when we're in the same room together."

Lup opens her mouth, probably to protest, but Taako presses on.

"And I'm not  saying I'm not happy for you, I'm fucking ecstatic that you found someone that cares about you as much as I do- you deserve that- I just wish you didn't have to toss me aside like last year's high-waisted jeans trend to get that sort of love."

Taako takes a deep breath and settles back in his seat, picking at the broken vinyl of the booth's seat. 

"I wish I didn't do that, too, Taako. I wish I'd known that by putting all my time and energy into my relationship with Barry that I'd lose you and... and leave you alone with that Sazed creep. I... I sort of, y'know, blamed myself for you almost dying when I got that call. Did you know that? The whole time I was driving to the hospital I kept thinking, 'this wouldn't have happened if I had just gone with him'. In a way I do blame myself for that. And I know you're gonna try to tell me not to, but... but we're supposed to be there for each other first and the world second. And you're right. And I'm sorry."

Taako stares at her for a moment after she finishes. 

"Sometimes I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't tested the food." He admits. "I wonder if everyone watching would have died. Then I wouldn't be, y'know, walking on crutches or anything. Forty people would be dead, yeah, but there's a selfish part of me that wonders if that would be so bad, y'know? Like, Sazed's fingerprints would've been all over everything, they wouldn't have been able to blame me for anything. But then the more irrational part of my brain tells me to be happy that I probably saved a bunch of people's lives."

Lup looks at him. "Taako..."

"I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm a delusional idiot with a fetish for dying." He downs the rest of his coffee. "Hey Noelle?" She's just a few tables down, folding silverware into a napkin, but she looks up and, noticing Taako's mug in his hand, nods. "We can move on from this weird, gooey heart-to-heart now, it's giving me acid reflux."

Lup snorts. "I think that's just the coffee?"

"No way, has to be all these emotions. So I've been thinking-"

"Dangerous." Lup interjects. 

"I've been thinking." Taako states again. "If you need me to move out or like get my own place, I totally get it. I've kinds been nothing but a burden the last few weeks and I should probably, like, get my shit together and... why are you looking at me like that?"

"Because you're a fucking idiot." She says. "Sazed is still out there, still trying to fucking murder you, and you think living by yourself when you can't even walk on your own is a good idea? You're right, you are an idiot." She sighs. "Neither Barry nor myself think you're a burden, okay? You're welcome at Casa De Blupjeans anytime for as long as you need, okay? At the very least until they catch Sazed."

Taako wrinkles his nose up. 

"'Casa De Blupjeans'? Are you fucking kidding me?"

 

* * *

 

 

Outside the diner, a car watches them through the window. The driver is obscured by tinted windows, sunglasses, and a hat. They sit there, car idling, until the twins exit the restaurant and, after their car pulls out of the parking lot, it follows.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus gets Taako out of the house.   
> Taako tells Magnus how he feels about his sister.   
> Magnus tries to make him feel better.   
> That car is still following.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> been taking a while to write this!! Had a lot of family in town and had a lot of shifts at work and a lot of extra stuff to do but it's here finally! With an OBSCENE amount of dumb references to the podcast! I should be ashamed of myself! Also! The story will pick up in the next few chapters I promise! This isn't gonna be a very long story (mostly because I don't have the attention span or commitment to write a long story!_ I'm too old for that stuff nowadays! so have this update and there should be another tomorrow afternoon sometime! Hooray! also updated story tags so do with that info what you will! cw: implied/referenced eating disorder (it's so... so vague you might miss it. which is fine. it's literally one sentence.)

Sideburnzzz 10:32 am

yo Taako u got any plans today? of course you don't because you're gonna come hang out with meeeee!

 

Talko 10:39 am

why have u awoken me from my beauty sleep, sideburns. why have u 4saken me.

 

Sideburnzzz 10:41 am

i do it because i love you, but now that you're awake i can come pick you up! b there in 30 min! 

 

Talko 10:43 am

mango plz do not do this 2 me it is so early

 

Sideburnzzz 10:44 am

luv u mean it<3 

 

Taako groans and rolls over. There's sunlight struggling to make it through the blinds and curtains that Taako keeps drawn tight, leaving scarce spots on the carpet. _Motherfucker_ , he thinks to himself, _W_ _hy is Magnus such a pain in the ass? Why can't he just let me sleep?_ Either way he pushes himself into a sitting position, relishing in the way his joints pop as he swings his legs over the edge of the mattress. The carpet is plush and thick under his feet. He remembers when Lup and Barry first bought the house. She'd been so excited, saying that she never thought she'd ever have her own home, that she'd always have somewhere to come back to. 

_"It's perfect, Koko." She'd said, showing him pictures on her phone. "It's got three bedrooms, two and a half bathrooms, a fenced in backyard, a two car garage, it's in a really nice neighborhood. It's crazy, y'know? I never thought I'd have this, a place to call home... Barry was super hands-off with the decision, too, he said that whatever I pick is more than good enough for him."_

_Taako had feigned his happiness, faked a smile, pretended to be interested enough that by the time she left his crummy studio apartment he was sure enough that she wouldn't know what was actually going on in his head. 'I have this' she'd said. Not 'we'. It was the final nail in the proverbial coffin.  
_

Taako starts pulling on clothes, a pair of black leggings and an oversized t-shirt. He knows that Magnus is the last person that's going to judge him for having a lazy day. He can't always color coordinate his shoes with his tops, can't always get his eyeliner to wing out evenly, can't always spend time braiding and styling his hair. No, Magnus wouldn't say anything like that to him. Magnus is harmless and, quite frankly, a lot smater than everyone else gives him credit for. He knows that if Taako isn't trying, he doesn't want to be called out on it. He's a sweetheart, all things considered. 

And he's calling Taako now. 

"Sup Mango?" Taako sounds exhausted, even to his own ears. 

" _I'm outside! You almost ready to go?_ " He sounds excited. 

"Yeah, just gimme a sec to get downstairs, okay?" 

" _Sounds good! See ya in a minute!"_  

 

* * *

 

 

They drive around for a few minutes before Taako gets antsy. 

“Where are we going, my man?” He asks. “It seems like you don’t know where we’re headed.” 

“That’s because we aren’t going anywhere.” Magnus shrugs and takes a right turn. “We’re just driving around. I needed to get out of the house and I’m gonna assume you did too, so. Here we are.” 

“Just like old times, I guess.” Taako mumbles and then starts fiddling with Magnus’s cassette player in his car. “You still have any tapes in this old hunk of junk?” 

“Check the center console.” Magnus says, taking another right turn. “I think I should have that Crystal Kingdom cassette you gave me a couple years ago?” 

“Oh boy,” Taako says dryly. “EDM with choir vocals. Love it. You know I got you that to fuck with you, right? Like, my man, why would Taako ever purchase something so… _experimental_?” 

“Hey, it’s good! Just because you don’t like anything besides Top 40-“ 

“It’s Top 40 for a _reason_ , Mango, oh my god!” Taako laughs. “Because it’s what people _want_ to hear!” 

“Well, people don’t know what they’re missing out on! There are so many good underground artists that could be Top 40 someday but no one will give them a chance! That’s where I come in!” 

“Oh, look here,” Taako snorts. “’Here There Be Gerblins’! Gosh, everyone should totally listen to Norwegian doom metal!” 

“Sometimes it’s nice to just zone out listening to something heavy!” Magnus protests. 

“Oh, oh, oh! Here’s what I was looking for! ‘The Stolen Century’! God, now this is music.” Taako pushes it into the player and turns up the volume. “No one can tell me Beach Boys worship ever went out of style.” 

“Just because you’re good at surfing and have been to the beach all of once in your whole life does not give you any credits to fully enjoy and appreciate the Beach Boys or the Beatles. You do know that, right?” 

Taako just laughs and looks back out the window, humming along to the music. 

 

* * *

 

 

They end up on the other side of the city from Lup’s house, in a parking lot of an abandoned wallpaper wholesaler that went out of business ages ago, if the pretty apparent dilapidation is anything to go by. The whole strip mall here is actually empty, save for a Gachapon that looks barley in operation. 

“So, let me get this straight- you feel like you need to move out of Lup’s house because she says it’s hers?” 

“No, no, that’s not… that’s not it.” Taako sighs. “I feel like… she made a life for herself, y’know? Like, like I feel like I’m not supposed to be there. She has a house, a car… a career, a husband… I feel like when I left, I should have stayed gone. Things started to go right for her when I went on the road, y’know? She seemed happier when I was gone.” He sighs and looks out the window of the car, over towards the wayward store. “I feel like me being back is just digging up all the shit from our childhoods and I… I don’t feel like I belong here. I can’t… I don’t know how to… how to say it to her. I just feel like…” 

“A burden?” Magnus finishes for him. “Listen, Taako… I know there’s nothing I can say that will make you feel better.” 

“Yeah, you’d be right about that.” Taako hums in agreement. 

“But, I do know that that isn’t how Lup feels. She spent months searching your show online to see if she could find videos. You only broadcasted locally so she had to settle for bootlegs of your footage. She was enamored by it, though. Always bragging about where you were or what you made- she’d make comments about how she would have done stuff differently- but she never once said she was happy you were gone. She always said she was happy that at least one of you got to live out your dream, though, y’know? Lup… she’s never been anything but proud of you.” 

Taako snorts. “Yeah, yeah. Butter me up any more and you might be able to make a pound cake outta me.” 

“I’m serious, Taako.” 

“I know.” He sighs. “I know you are, my dude, I just… I can’t help it, y’know?” 

“Have you thought about maybe… seeing someone? To talk to about this stuff? I know you hate the idea of therapy and stuff, but maybe it’d be helpful?” 

“I’ll… I’ll think about it, okay?” 

“I guess that’s about as good of an answer as I’ll ever get for now.” Magnus says. “You wanna go into that Gachapon? Might have some cool stuff in there!” 

Taako grins. “Hell yeah!” 

 

* * *

 

 

They don’t talk about it any more and neither asks questions. They goof around and look at the secondhand and thrifted items hanging around the store. There’s an entire display case of rings, all different and equally pretty. Taako finds a silk scarf with manta rays on it and a cane that looks like an umbrella. He thinks he looks pretty fucking snazzy, if he does say so himself. 

Magnus picks out a pair of glasses that flatter his face, hide the scar on his eye a little more. “That scarf definitely screams, ‘Taako!’, dude! You have to get it!” 

Taako grins and pulls on a wizard hat that’s hanging on a coat rack. “It’s called fashion, sweaty, look it up.” He jokes in a nasally voice. “My God, if anyone else were here right now I doubt I’d be having as much fun as I am.” His laughter carries throughout the empty, quiet store. “I’m glad you’re around, Mango.” 

Magnus grins back at his companion. “I don’t think we could get rid of each other if we tried.” 

 

* * *

 

 

“Taako, where the hell have you been?” Is the first thing out of Lup’s mouth when the two men hobble into her house. It’s been dark for a while and two had gotten so caught up at the Gachapon that they didn’t realize how late it had gotten or how neither had texted anyone in hours. 

“Sorry, Lulu, I was buying you a present!” He grins. “We went to that seedy little store off of Phandalin and Neverwinter, that Gachapon place? Turns out they have some pretty cool stuff! So Mango and I here, well we decided to lift the heavy, heavy burden of accessorizing our best friends.” 

Lup sighs. “This better not be another god damn- is that for me?” Her face lights up at the sight of the golden bracelet with small stones set in the band. “It’s so pretty, Taako!” The stones catch the overhead light, glinting redorangeyellow back at them. “Thank you, Taako.” She smiles. 

Barry peeks around the corner from the kitchen. “Oooh, very nice choice, Taako!” 

“Barry! This is for you!” Magnus yells, never aware of his external volume. “It’s a belt with a skull buckle because you’re a goth geek freak!”

Barry gives a blank stare in return, but accepts the belt nonetheless, knowing he’ll never live down the time he wore a chain wallet and black jeans instead of blue. “And what did you genius factories get for yourselves?” 

“Oh, psh, that’s easy, I got a shirt covered in dogs!” Magnus grins. “And Taako got a cane that looks like an umbrella, it’s actually pretty badass!” 

They spend the next few minutes talking about their finds at the Gachapon and Barry announces that the lasagna in the oven will be done soon and that Magnus should stay for dinner. They laugh and talk. 

Taako doesn’t bring up the pit in his stomach or the way he’s overanalyzing everything Lup and Barry are saying about the house, about him, about _everything_. Magnus pretends not to notice the way Taako’s face keeps paling and falling whenever his sister’s attention isn’t directed at him anymore. Lup pretends like she doesn’t notice Magnus casting worried looks at Taako every few minutes, brow furrowing and mouth tightening. Barry doesn’t notice much of this, but does notice how as soon as Taako finishes eating he excuses himself to the bathroom. 

_ Everyone is hiding something. Everyone has things they wish they didn’t notice. Things that they wish they could just cut into little pieces and throw into the ocean, watch them get washed away by the tide. Maybe someday I’ll be able to do that, too, just disappear and no one will ever know that I was even here. Wouldn’t that be nice? Just to disappear and not have to deal with the pressure of everyday existence when you feel like your whole purpose is to burden those around you. Even Magnus. He hangs out with me because he feels sorry for me. I must seem like such a desperate loser to him, ‘ _ I’m glad you’re around, Mango. _’ God, I sounded like a fucking child. Everyone just feels bad for me because I almost died. I bet if I had actually died they’d already be in the fourth stage of mourning by now. It’s hard to grieve someone you never cared about in the first place._

If Taako’s thoughts keep him up all night, he doesn’t say anything the next morning. 

 

* * *

 

 

A car sits on the outskirts of the parking lot while Taako and Magnus shop. Tinted windows again. 

A car follows them back to Lup’s house from a distance. The driver is obscured. 

A car idles outside the house all night, lights off and handheld radio mostly quiet in the driver’s hand.

It leaves at dawn when another car comes down the street. 


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Taako thinks about Kravitz.   
> Taako makes a fool of himself in front of Kravitz.   
> Lup talks to Lucretia.   
> Lup waits.   
> Lup always waits.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dang i've been busy with fam shit but i hope this doesn't disappoint yall as much as it disappointed me! whoo!

Months pass. Only two, but to Taako it feels like an eternity.

 

Magnus had convinced him to start going to physical therapy a few days a week- Mondays, Tuesdays, Thursdays, with at-home exercises- and he can support his weight mostly on a cane now. He hobbles a bit, but he’s gotten better at moving on his own. He remembers when he’d first arrived at Lup’s house and had needed help showering and getting down the stairs. He knows he’s come a long way, but that doesn’t change the pit that’s settled in his stomach and made itself right at home. He feels like he’ll vomit any food he’s eaten right back up and, as a result, feels shaky and exhausted all the time.

He scrolls past a meme on his phone- ‘not eating because you’re nauseous / nauseous because you’re not eating’ with a handshake emoji in the middle- and snorts to himself at how on-point it is.

Lucas had fitted him for hearing aids. They make day-to-day conversations easier for him and he doesn’t have to shout as his friends or vice versa to be heard or hear. He doesn’t have to have subtitles on for movies or videos anymore, though if he still turns them on, no one says anything to him about it.

Things are going… better.

He wakes up some nights, like this one, tangled in his sheets (or they’re tossed onto the floor) and soaked in sweat, breath heavy and trapped in his lungs as he thinks back on the sinister grin Sazed had had on as he glanced at Taako through the food truck’s door before taking off. Before Taako blacked out. Before he almost died. He remembers how scared he’d felt in the moment-

How he’d never be able to see his sister or friends again, never be able to tell Lup how proud he was that she got everything she wanted (even if it didn’t involve him). He’d never tell Magnus that he was so proud he heard he’d gotten the job at the clinic or how happy he was that he’d met Julia. Merle would never know how much it used to make Taako smile when he brought by flowers and plants that he couldn’t sell, out of season or dying or just not quite right, and decorate Taako’s windowsills with them, never tell him that he actually wasn’t quite as shitty of a dad as he thought. Barry would never know how grateful he was for making his sister happier than he’d ever seen. Davenport… well, no one had heard from him in years, and at this rate, probably never would again.

Taako rolls over in his bed and sighs, turning off his phone screen after checking the time and his socials.

He’d never tell Lucretia that he had forgiven her long ago for what had happened. It had been a misunderstanding and she had thought she was doing the right thing. She was, Taako was just too stupid and stubborn at that time to realize it. She’d only ever wanted what was best for him and he’d been cruel and selfish.

He remembers the way he’d looked down at the floor below him as he collapsed, blood spattering on the tiles beneath him, a milky, white foam dripping down with it, mixing, turning pink as his vision faded to black.

He remembers a voice somewhere in his head.

“Come on man, stay with me.”

“Stay with me, don’t close your eyes.”

“Don’t let go.”

“You’re stronger than that.”

Taako now knows who that voice, his only tether to reality at that point, belongs to. A quiet, kind, seemingly gentle paramedic by the name of Kravitz. Someone who had checked up on him regularly after saving Taako’s life. Someone who cared whether he lived or died.

He always fell asleep easier thinking of the shy smile Kravitz gave him after complimenting his hair.

 

* * *

 

 

“How’s the leg doin’ today, Taako?” Magnus greets him as Taako hobbles up to the doors to the gym. They’d started going together lately a few times a week, mostly so that Magnus could make sure Taako was actually doing his at-home therapy, but also to get Taako out of the house a little more.

“Oh yeah, y’know, just, uh, just dandy!” He chirps, then sighs. “It hasn’t improved much lately.” He admits.

“Well it can only get better for so long. You already know that you may never walk without support again… but we can do some! That fact that you’re already off crutches is impressive enough as is, we can’t expect you to be getting better by leaps and bounds every day. For now, just focus on standing and walking. Running will come again eventually.”

Taako nods. “Right… speaking of- is it treadmill day?”

“You know it, dude! Now c’mon, we got a lot of work to get done.”

 

* * *

 

 

Taako is panting and sweating by the end of the next two hours, which he spent on a treadmill mostly, working on walking without his cane, not that he was able to go very fast, but Magnus was there the whole time, pushing him and pushing him and pushing him to keep going, the way he always did, because this was Magnus and he was nothing if not a loyal friend.

“Good job today, Taako! Tomorrow we’ll do more stretching and shit, alright?”

Magnus himself has gone off to other weight machines in the gym during Taako’s workout, easily benching and lifting weights that were definitely heavier than Taako himself.

“Yeah, my man, sounds good.” Taako begins working his way with Magnus to the front of the gym, to the front doors. “How’s Julia been lately?”

“She’s good! She started volunteering at an animal shelter on her off days and sends me a lot of dog pictures! I’m thinking of starting doing the same, shelters always need help with people who can walk the dogs and give them attention and…”

Magnus’s voice drones out as Taako looks ahead of them and sees someone walking into the gym, athletic shorts and a grey shirt, black tennis shoes and his hair tied back from his face.

“Kravitz?” Taako asks as they approach one another.

The other man seems startled and looks Taako over a few times before it looks like everything clicks in his head. “Taako?”

“Uh, ch’yeah, the one and only. Didn’t know you came to this gym, too, my dude.” Taako is aware that Magnus is watching them, a large presence behind him.

“Yeah, when I can. My job keeps me pretty busy, but I feel like staying in shape is important. So, um… yeah. You uh, you doin’ better? It’s been a while, you know? You seems like you’re walking better, so that’s good…”

Taako is more than aware that this whole situation is awkward for everyone involved. “Oh yeah, y’know, my buddy Mango here works at a physical therapy clinic, so he’s been helpin’ me out a lot, his girlfriend too. But I mean… yeah. I guess I have to thank you again, because I wouldn’t really… be here if it weren’t for you? So thank you. Again. Yep. Yeah. Word. Well, this is just about enough awkward to kill me for real this time, so I will… catch you on the flip side? Yeah. Yep. Cool. Later!”

And he starts hobbling away as fast as he can with Magnus right by him.

He hears a slight chuckle as he hurries away and Kravitz calls as he’s walking out the doors,

“See you later, Taako!”

As they reach Magnus’s car and get inside, Taako slams his head against the dashboard, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to make a decent _THUNK_.

“Sooo, you gonna tell me who Mr. Tall-Dark-And-Handsome was? ‘Cause not gonna lie, dude, he was absolutely your type and I’ve seen him around here before and his form? Impeccable.”

“His name is Kravitz.”

“Duh, I gathered that much.”

“He’s the paramedic that literally saved my life.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“Well.”

“Yeah. I wanna fuckin’ die. That was probably the most awkward and horribly embarrassing thing I could have done around him.”

A sympathetic hand rests on Taako’s back.

“Put on your seatbelt, we’re picking up takeout on our way back to Lup’s and you’re gonna tell me everything you know about your mans.”

“He’s not my mans!” Taako protests, but the seatbelt clicks into place and they pull out of the parking lot.

A man in grey sweatpants and a jacket with the hood pulls up watches them as Taako struggles to walk on his own, limping pathetically the entire time they’re at the gym. He watches Magnus benching a weight to rival his own record, the way he’s always around Taako whenever they go out.

That’s going to be a problem, Sazed thinks to himself. If I can’t get him alone then I can’t hope to get him at all.

Then there’s the paramedic. Sazed recognizes him as the man who picked Taako up in the ambulance that pulled up after Sazed ran, hiding in a telephone booth nearby as a crowd watched on as Taako was dying.

He feels anger well up in his chest as he watches the man working out, oblivious to everything around him as he goes through the motions.

Sazed makes a mental note to watch him and learn his schedule.

He won’t be able to save Taako next time.

 

* * *

 

“Yes, Lucretia I understand that, but I can’t be around him all the time.” Lup sighs. Taako had just left with Magnus to head to the gym.

“You’re supposed to be keeping track of him. If he gets left alone for even a _second_ , Sazed could get him.”

“I know that!” She cries. “I just can’t- I can’t _always_ be the one looking out for him! Magnus is more than willing to help, you know that! Merle, too, you’re just too afraid to get them involved because of what happened.”

“You’re correct, it is a concern of mine.” Lucretia sighs. “But not for the reasons you think. I’ve accepted and forgiven the boys for what happened back then, now I only have concern for their well-being. They aren’t cut out for this line of work- Merle has _children_ , Lup. Magnus is too kind. He’s physically strong, yes, but he lacks any training or finesse in this line of work.”

“I understand that, but the more people we have on our side-“

“ _Our_ side? Lup, you realize that there is no ‘we’, right? This is me, putting _my_ jurisdiction over this case and _my_ job at risk to let you know what leads we have on Sazed and what we think he may be plotting. This isn’t a television show, nor are we children anymore. This is the real world and Taako, that blathering _idiot_ , has gotten himself wrapped up with a sorry excuse for a man who wants him dead. Dead, Lup. Dead as in the last time you see him will be before you burying his fucking _body_ , dead as in you’re no longer an older twin, you’re an _only_ twin. Do you understand me now?” Lucretia’s voice is low and her voice is even. “If I get kicked off this case because you want to play hero, we’re _all_ fucked. Don’t drag them into this.”

Lup is quiet.

Lucretia sighs. “I have to go. Just… I’m sorry for getting so serious, but you know that I do it because I care.”

“I know.” Lup’s voice cracks. “I know you do. Thank you for everything you’ve done so far. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Good bye, Lup.”

The line clicks off and Lup drops her phone into her lap.

The television is playing a news report. Traffic on the highway. Barry will probably be late getting home.

She stands and goes to start making dinner when she gets a text, from Magnus.

 

**Magnuts Burnshites** 6:13 pm

Ayo lup, how u feelin about takeout? My treat<3

 

She sighs and responds in the affirmative then drops back into her seat on the couch.

She waits, just like she always has.


End file.
